Friday, December 3, 2010

Meddling Mouths

Can somebody tell me when it became acceptable to consider the bump protruding from a pregnant lady's abdomen a free pass to interrogate her entire personal life? A day does not pass when I don't get the inevitable Q & A…. and so here is my new t-shirt currently being designed for you ladies who are fed up with the intrusive personal space invaders:
Yes, I'm about to pop.

Yes, I'm sure it's not twins.

No, it's not my first.

Yes, it's my fourth.

Yes, we have cable.

Yes, we know what causes this.

Yes, perhaps we should consider a vasectomy but is it any of your business?

Yes, I feel great.

Yes, I have different cravings with all of them.

No, it's not for pickles and ice cream (nerd).

Yes, my older daughter is excited.

Yes, my husband is excited too (are you really asking me that?).

Yes, we know it's a boy.

Yes, we will have 2 of each now.

Yes, that's perfect.

No, we don't have a name yet.

And finally, I am pregnant, not a petting zoo. Please remove your hands from my stomach.


I mean really- If I just walked up to a female stranger and asked:

So, you look bloated!

When is your period due?

Do you get regular cycles?

Do you crave salty food or sweets right before?

How old were you the first time you menstruated?

How heavy is your flow?

Do you prefer plastic or cardboard?

How many days does your period last?

Do you get cramps?


Yes, exactly, she would look at me as if I had lost my mind, possibly become physically aggressive and definitely walk away. With that established, why is it ok to ask a pregnant lady the most invasive questions?

While I am polite and I answer their questions with a big toothy, "I'm so proud and happy to share this personal information with you" grin, my raging hormones are truly saying, "And Mr. or Miss Meddler, if you must know, I get gas after anything and everything, my boobs are sore and leaking already, I miss seeing my feet among other body parts, I have horrific heartburn and can taste my food hours after I eat it, I feel like a dog with fleas the way I itch my stomach as the skin stretches and since you're so concerned with me…. I'm sick of changing panties after every time I sneeze, laugh too hard or cough.

Any more questions?


Anonymous said...

I've always like Paul and Christopher as boys' names. ;-P

Anonymous said...

LOL, so many true statements! I always heard "you're never going to make it to your due date!" I didn't, but still, keep your comments to yourself, you know?

I got your comment on my blog, and you're right, just keep commenting on other blogs, and gradually you'll gain more followers. You're very funny, so it won't take long. :)

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