The Feminine Elephant

If I haven't heard 100 times during my four pregnancies, "You're glowing." Or, " You look so beautiful with that tummy." Or my personal favorite, "Pregnancy is really the most beautiful time in a woman's life."

Quite the paradox if you ask me- quite frankly I feel like an elephant when I walk and when I try to walk gracefully, perhaps an elephant on roller skates.

I love the way people stare at you as if you're the Virgin Mother when you're walking around in public, the stares at 9 months pregnant are as if there weren't 6 billion other people who arrived via pregnant mommy. There is, I admit, something fascinating about the way the belly protrudes into such a perfectly round ball and how hips spread so naturally and quickly to accommodate the belly. What baffles me is why it doesn't feel so pretty? We waddle, we hunch to accommodate the pain when the head is dropping (lightening), we cannot cross our legs when we are seated at some point and legs are often open as the belly droops in between, we hold on to things in an effort to stabilize, we cannot see the floor so we trip and stumble- quite often if you ask me! I have often found myself in the ninth month feeling like a turtle at times stuck on my back/shell unable to flip around without help from someone!

I have put a little thought into why others see us as beautiful but most of us feel so unbeautiful during pregnancy. Feeling like Humpty Dumpty goes against all the feminine instinct I was taught. Keeping my legs closed while I am seated, walking with my head straight, back arched, not waddling or stomping my feet while I walk are all contributing factors to what makes me feel like a lady much of the time. So, when it's physically impossible for me to perform these acts of ladylike behavior, it robs my feeling of femininity. It's a shame because I do believe the act of carrying a child in your womb is simply a miracle and absolutely beautiful; however, it's physically hysterical.

Yes, I know there are many of you out there scoffing at this epiphany I have had and thinking to yourselves, "Oh, I felt beautiful the whole pregnancy." Or, "I never waddled or sat with my legs uncrossed." Yes, we know. You're the same ones who "felt great the whole time." And "love being pregnant." And we know, you never had gas, never had reflux or heartburn, never had constipation, never had the egg white treats in your panties from the cervix softening during late pregnancy. Yes, we know. This blog isn't meant for you…. It's meant for all my Humpty Dumpty girls out there who feel like an elephant trying to walk the walk of a ballerina when you're 40 lbs heavier than usual, have an 18 inch protrusion from your abdomen, have swollen everything, have lost your curves and have noticed a little bra flab developing. You girls will always be beautiful to me when I see you because I know how you feel and it makes you more of woman if anything at all.

Cheers to us hot mammas.